After ten days of more stairs than I’ve climbed in a year, I’m leaning back into my tender affection for walls and corners. Thank you, slow. Thank you, steady. Thank you, holding. Thank you, sturdy. Thank you, no questions asked. Thank you, when you’re ready. // Video is a one-minute clip of D. doing a solo movement experiment in the sunny corner of a solarium with white walls, high windows, and a dirt/stone floor. D. moves slowly from light to shadow, leaning into the corner, resting hands against their stomach, turning to press their forehead into the wall. // #Queer #Genderqueer #Nonbinary #DisabledArtist #QueerArtist #MovementExperiments #MultidisciplinaryPoet #QueerDisabledAndPowerful #EhlersDanlosSyndrome #ChronicIllness #TiredAF #QueerAF #ArtistResidency #Slow
Stop #2 on the #NewEnglandBathtubTour was brief but filled with chill together-time with my twin @peterwallen1 and sister-in-law @laura_marie_allen in their new northeast home — complete with ice cream, pup snuggles, meeting the neighbors, a farmer’s market, gardening adventures, and tonight, a mini road-trip up to my sweet residency spot where we parted ways. Thanks for your hospitality, Pete & Laura & Bo! Love you all. // Images are: a photo of a low-light tiled bathtub faucet with water filling, a candle perched on the edge, and D.’s knees folded to one side of the tub; selfie of D. Sitting on the floor and kissing Bojangles, a sweet black lab mix, on the snout as he drapes his head over the edge of the bed; Pete watering newly-planted and mulched flowers by the white backyard fence; just-planted passion flower vine climbing up the corner of the fence in dappled sunlight; Laura bending over to admire the newly-planted foxgloves and yarrow behind a young peach tree in another corner of the yard; black-and-white photo of Bo with his head resting on D.’s lap in the backseat of the car. // #GardenMagic #SummerSpring #DogCuddles #Twinship
The first stop on my #NewEnglandBathtubTour was full of slow magic and joyful connection thanks to some sweet humans, dreamy plants, and a bathtub by a sunny window. Special appreciation and love to the magnificent @chokahnose for sharing time and space and presence, always. // Images: D.’s propped up on the corner of the bathtub while water pours, their legs bruised from train travel; Niko with a french braid grinning in the kitchen; a radiant kousa dogwood tree in Prospect Park; selfie of D. in front of said tree, eyes closed in pleasure; grainy black-and-white phone selfie of Trent, Ed, D., and Niko sitting on a bar bench, arms around each other, smiling; a yellow orchid at the Brooklyn Botanic Gardens; selfie of D. reflected in glass with a giant cactus behind them; black-and-white polaroid of D. and Niko laughing; six polaroids of various configurations of friends laid out on a colorful rug; a color polaroid of D. and Niko standing close and looking cool. // #TakingTime #SlowTime #ChosenFamily #ArtistResidency #PlantsPlantsPlants
Me and my tired face are almost to our first destination of the trip. This spring was full of so much creation, connection, work, learning, and magic, and now it’s time to change up the pace. From now until the end of July, I’m stepping back from digital space to travel, rest, reset, spend slow quality time with some of my dear faraway people in real life, and begin dreaming into the next book. I’m deactivating Facebook, putting a vacation responder on my email, and won’t be as present here on Instagram. I won’t be unreachable, but I’ll probably be slow to respond in all forms. If we have plans, I can’t wait to see you; otherwise, I’ll catch you on the other side. Thank you to my beloved chosen fam who support me doing this every once in a while. Thank you to my fellow artists who model that it’s okay to take breaks, to pull back, to take good care by going inward or refocusing energy—I see you. The grind isn’t all there is. // Image is a color selfie of D. sitting in a blue Amtrak chair, wearing a mustard-colored button-down, a ballcap, and glasses. They’re smiling a little and look tired. // #NewEnglandBathtubTour #TimeToSlowDown #ArtistResidency #DreamingOfOtherWays #ChronicIllness #QueerDisabledAndPowerful #TrainTravelIsTimeTravelButI’mNotSureInWhatDirection
Bye for a while, Minneapolis—see you after raspberry season 🌿 I’m heading your way on a train, NY & MA. // Photo is an overhead shot of a packed backpack, travel bag, pair of shoes, and cane lying on a wood floor. // #ArtistResidency #TakingTime #TrainTravel #Slow #NewEnglandBathtubTour #QueerPoet #EhlersDanlosSyndrome
The shy pain bird briefly emerges from their bed-nest out of love of flowers. Though the journey will have them curled up and hurting the rest of the day, it brings them a bounty of lavender, arnica, butterfly weed, hummingbird salvia, giant carnation, and trailing nasturtium for the garden. Pain bird sees the garden as a meeting of their two favorite things, beds and blooms. Time to lie down. // Color photo of D. on the porch swing with a basket backpack and pots full of flowering plants. Their head is propped up with one arm-wing and their eyes are closed. // #AdventuresOfPainBird #PainBirdInTheWild #MedicinalPlants #FloweringPlants #PoetsWhoGarden #GardeningIsWriting #ChronicIllness #DisabilityPoetics
A REAWAKENED FRAMEWORK FOR THE TANGIBLE UNIVERSE// At the very heart of my book is “Petal,” a sequence of poems and images about cyclical loss, new growth, and grief. A pink magnolia tree is the central figure in these poems. Today, I placed the book in my shaggy garden bed at the feet of an echinacea plant gifted to me two years ago, whose new leaves are tender dark green knives slicing towards sky amidst last year’s dried stems and fallen flower heads. Its pages are open to “petal,” a dictionary erasure poem that serves as a title for the sequence, which reads: “o O corolla + + : form our noxious organs into roses” // As I do with my Funk & Wagnalls Practical Standard Dictionary (1943), I’ve started saving flowers, small notes, and other ephemera in my reader’s copy of the book, which remind me that this work is part of the world—though it is printed and fixed in that way, it is also responsive, has a memory, and can hold more than I ever imagined. Thank you to Yasmiene for the pressed pink magnolia bloom that now marks this section of the book, which traveled all the way from Virginia 🌸 // Link to order the book is in the linktr.ee on my profile, or if you’re in the twin cities, please message me directly to order a signed copy for local pickup (pick up by 5/30 if you want one before August). There’s also a link to a conversation I had with The Operating System about my process of creating this book. Thank you to all who have already held this work in your hands. // #FirstBook #QueerPoet #NonbinaryPoet #MultidisciplinaryPoetics #LyricEssay #HybridPoetics #DisabilityPoetics #QueerDisabledAndPowerful #GardeningIsWriting #BotanyMagic #GriefProcessing #ASlowSlowSpring #PinkMagnolia #Echinacea #PoetsWhoGarden
On this first real day of rest after NET/WORK’s first run, I’m grateful for my dear people and our communities, for arts funding that supports both work and life, for my body that is still here, for beds onstage and off, for dinner for breakfast and breakfast for dinner and meals shared with friends at all hours, for reciprocal care, for flowers and flowers and flowers, for unvarnished grief experienced in public space without avoidance or fixing. I’ve never cried so hard in front of that many people, or laughed so hard for that matter. My senses are still reverberating with the deep, quiet generosity of one of my dear humans peeling an orange for me, lying beside me and holding my hand during my PT exercises, telling me about their day while I changed into sweatpants onstage, or whispering in my ear while we put on tiger balm together. I love you. Being alone in my bed-bed feels strange and a little sorrowful, now. Let us remember: behind-the-scenes intimacy not only makes the work possible, but *is* the work. If you came to the show or have been following the process digitally, I’d love to connect with you about it on and off social media. Also, I would prefer all of my future readings and speaking gigs to be from a stage bed, so please keep that in mind if you invite me to do an event. // Here’s my trying-to-take-serious-selfies-and-failing-face after bath and acupuncture and diaphragmatic breathing practice and trip-planning and catching up on communications, before doing PT in bed and falling asleep to soothing crime-spy-procedurals that I know I won’t have to rewatch to figure out what’s going on. // Note to local loves: I will be traveling out of state in June and July, so please reach out this week or early next if you want a hug or a cup of tea or a signed copy of my book before then. // Image is a color selfie of D. in bed, laughing with their eyes closed. They have a shaved head and are lying on mismatched sheets with their flip phone, glasses, knit cap, chocolate bar, and plastic pill organizer on the bed beside them. // #DisabledPeopleAreHot #ChronicIllness #Rest #MultidisciplinaryPoet #DisabledArtist #QueerDisabledAndPowerful
NET/WORK’s first run is complete // Prismatic gratitude and deep fatigue are my prevailing feelings today. So much to process, so many appreciations to express, so much sleep and slow time to catch up on, so many possible collaborations and new ideas and emerging friendships to nurture in the weeks and months ahead. Thank you thank you thank you to my fellow Q-Stage artists, casts, crew, producers, collaborators, audiences, and supporters. Wow. This first photo with me, Marcela, Keila, and Xochi sitting onstage together and loving up on each other under the hot pink and orange lights after the scrim came down for the last time says everything I don’t have the words for right now. More soon, love and overwhelming affection for now. // Thanks to my mom, Nancy Allen, for coming to Saturday’s performance from NC and taking these photos. The other three images are of me onstage at the Phoenix Theater performing NET/WORK, my solo piece for Q-Stage 2019. An 8x8 foot knitted textile hangs from the ceiling, and in the photos I am sitting behind it with my arms coming around the front of the textile and gripping handfuls of it with both hands; standing on the left side of the textile while gripping its binding in my hands and leaning back against it with grief on my face; lying in the stage bed set up to the right of the scrim, leaning back on the pillows with all my clothes and shoes on. // #NewWork #ShowIsOverForNow #ChronicIllness #EhlersDanlosSyndrome #NotSureHowIDidThat #MyCommunityIsAmazing
